— For Couples And Parents—
Newer couples can build skills that will help them face difficulties that arise in the future with more grace and ease. I had that good fortune, some 22 years ago, when I met my wife, Inbal Kashtan, of blessed memory. We had the incredible opportunity to incorporate NVC ideas as a foundation for our relationship. I’m deeply grateful for the support this awareness and communication tools gave us, as life brought its inevitable challenges.
If you’d like to build some long-lasting skills for resilience into the ground floor of your relationship, I’d love to work with you.
Couples who have landed on more difficult times
Couples who have landed on more difficult times can also find the skills and awareness practices I teach to be transformative. Most of the couples I see have already been to one or more couples therapists, but have not yet found a way through recurrent conflicts or discovered reliable ways to reconnect. Working together, we focus on what each partner can do, through self-understanding, listening, and new communication patterns, to transform the dynamics in the relationship.
Of course, some relationships do not nurture our growth or well-being, and I can be of support in exploring whether a relationship might no longer be supporting you to thrive.
In addition to parents and couples, I also work with individuals who would like to explore the “conversations” inside themselves, or who would like one-on-one support in navigating their relationships. Our ability to nurture our relationships relies on our own inner capacity, self-awareness, self-compassion, and power to change, whatever the other person does nor does not do.
To those of you who have tried to work things out, yet still yearn to turn a painful situation around and have the commitment to try, I’d love to work with you.
Parents with children of all ages
We love our children so much. But for most of us, parenting presents the biggest challenge we have ever faced.
Many of us promise ourselves that we will parent differently from how our parents raised us — but knowing the path we don’t want doesn’t illuminate the path do we want. If we experienced our parents as too strict, we might know we want to be more relaxed. But what does that mean? Where do we draw the lines?
If we thought our parents were often missing-in-action, we know that we want to “show up.” But what does it mean to “show up” in a way that will nurture connection, growth, and resilience?
In an awakened family, parents are aware that every relationship in their family exists to help each person grow. . . . Instead of fixing what they see as faults in their children, these parents seek to work on themselves, raising their own levels of maturity and presence.
Dr. Shefali Tzabari
The quality of our relationships determine the quality of our lives.
If you are drawn to a parenting path that says:
I want to help my children develop their own internal compass
and to develop a family culture of trust and collaboration,
I would be delighted to work with you,
to help you through current challenging situations and
to develop skills for the long term.
I most frequently work with parents alone, rather than parents with their children, but I enjoy working with children and teenagers, too, and I would like to discuss with you the best fit for your family.
I offer the caveat that a nonviolent approach to parenting is quite counter-cultural because of how much it leans towards a partnership approach. To get a flavor, you might want to read one of these books:
Parenting from the Heart
by Inbal Kashtan
Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids
by Sura Hart and Victoria Hodson
My high school love and I have spent nine years growing up together and we are still learning how to communicate effectively. Kathy teaches us skills so that instead of arguing — to hurt and out-yell each other — we can find ways of talking to create solutions that meet both of our needs. Kathy has helped us establish time during our daily lives for the talker to turn-off and hear, and the listener to turn-on and express. It’s made a big difference.
I’ve had so many aha moments and so many shifts in perspectives with Kathy, about my parenting, my relationship with my husband, my children, and with my inner-self. I've worked with Kathy on and off for 8 years and I reach out any time I need some support in gaining clarity, finding a more compassionate filter or angle on a situation, or anytime I'm stuck. Her guidance, the quality of her empathy, her skills in supporting conflict-resolution with my spouse are better than anyone I've ever worked with. But what is fabulous about working with Kathy is that I learned skills and practices that I can continue to use without her. She is truly building capacity during our sessions.
Mom, Spouse, Filmmaker
It's remarkable what happens when you feel completely seen and understood. This is Kathy's gift. Whether one-on-one or in a group session (I have done both retreats and private sessions with her, as well as two year-long programs) Kathy's capacity for open-hearted listening and non-judgmental reflection is a model we can all learn from. What I've gleaned has proven invaluable in my understanding of myself and in my relationships with others. If I could, I'd do a year-long program with her every year. It's that good.
Husband, Father, Writer
I asked Kathy to put together a series of classes for parents with young children, and I got so much out of it. It really deepened my understanding of how to parent without shaming or exerting power over my child and how to partner with my child even when telling him "no." I also felt inspired by the idea that parenting doesn’t have to be choosing between permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting (or even trying to find some point in between) and, instead, can be about finding ways my child and I can support each other with both of us getting our needs met without generating resentment or sacrificing connection between us.
Small business owner, Spouse, Mother
We can work:
via Facetime, Zoom, or Skype.
Please note that I am not a mental health care provider. My communication coaching practice is distinct from therapy, and is not a substitute for assistance from a trained mental health professional or doctor.